Rambling Dispatches: Feel-good news

james lipton

Every Thursday in Rambling Dispatches, resident malcontent Quinn McGee rants about whatever he damn well pleases.

Another week, another batch of Hollywood names making splashes on the covers of magazines and websites. Most of the time I’d come on here and say that there’s not a lot of news here and that this is all a bunch of bullshit, because it usually is. The crap I see when researching this column is usually a cluster of outrageous things done by attention-seeking people to drum up a big role or make a career move. It’s an effective tactic, honestly. It’s why you get sex scandals and “leaked” nude photos around the time of a big movie release or album drop. Then there are the stories about the concentrated crazy within some people that can’t be contained. I’m of course talking about Amanda Bynes, who’s making a headline a minute because she can’t stay off Twitter. I also assume that she tweets from a phone, which is weird because all her posts feature some of the most broken English since Kindergarten Cop. This has to mean she either purposely corrects her autocorrect, or her phone has just given up and will probably be the reason that all electronics rise up and kill us one day. (Two Arnold movies in one sitting? I think so.) But I’m not here to talk about any of this. I’m here to talk about a few stories that deserve the attention, because they’re good news or just interesting to the point that I didn’t get the insta-headache that usually comes with celebrity news. Here goes:

1) Adam Levine is a rad dude, who apparently hates America.

So Mr. Levine made a comment that got the red-blooded American in me all hot and bothered on the most recent episode of The Voice. He said that he hated this country when the vote came in and he lost two team members. This man is the least patriotic person ever to grace any television show and should be immediately let go. Of course, I’m fucking kidding. So he said he hated this country, big deal. He said it as a joke and to let off some steam that this country just voted two of his team members off the show of which he’s the star. It’s not like he got on the stage and declared himself to another country, or released two bald eagles into the crowd and pursued them Duck Hunt style. The best, though, was the way he dealt with the hate that came after the comment. He proceeded to tweet the definitions of the words “joke,” “humorless” and others to further emphasize there was no nefarious purpose at work. I tip my hat to him, because this is the best way to handle uneducated fan, by turning Twitter into the educational experience that its creators wanted it to be. (That’s a joke too.) This all just helps prove that there are some morons out there, and there are some great ways of dealing with the trolling masses of the Internet.

2) Liam Hemsworth is finally free!

When I heard about the Liam Hemsworth engagement to Miley Cyrus, I poured one out for the fallen. These two were together for four years. During that time, Cyrus was basically a train wreck with a more adult image change, but was really just an unclothed teenager acting like an asshole everywhere. I really felt bad for Hemsworth because of how removed from the spotlight he was by the people in his life. When they started dating, it was all about who Miley was dating, the co-star to her movie and all, and never about him. I think everyone just said he was good looking and that’s about it. The dude couldn’t even catch a break when it came to Thor, because he was the brother who was asked to audition for the role, but Chris just snagged the role by being there. (Does it sound like a scumbag move? Because it totally is.) So his biggest roles to date were The Expendables 2, where he dies early, and The Hunger Games, where he plays a fairly important character that ends up forgettable because of Jennifer Lawrence. So I’m happy to see that he’s free of the crazy, because maybe he can go and live life for himself.

3) James Lipton is a straight-up PIMP, or at least was.

That isn’t a joke at all. I’m being super serious here. On the 200th episode of “Inside the Actor’s Studio,” Lipton started talking to Dave Chappelle about his less glamorous past in Paris during the 1950s. He wove a tale of a man who needed to eat, women who needed work, and the representation he gave them for a year that he described as a great year in his life. I could not make this shit up, folks: James Lipton has more street cred than over half the rappers currently in the game. Should we be surprised that an older gentleman (86 years old) has a past that is a little dirty? I don’t think so. Would anyone guess that he was a pimp? If you say yes, you’re a liar. And he’s a great guy, married to his wife for 40 years and just as charming today as he was when he started the show. He’s a pimp with a heart of gold. The real question is if Chappelle and Lipton talked about the next Player Hater’s Ball sketch, and if Lipton is going to be a part of it.

There you have it. A few stories that deserve the credit and publicity they’re getting. Pop culture doesn’t always have to be this seedy hole of the world where dignity goes to die. You can learn some important things, be excited for a happy ending, and find a new figure head for the pimping world. (I tried to think of something clever there, but James Lipton was a pimp. There’s not much more to say.) Sometimes there can be some fun stories that you don’t have to feel bad about liking.