Each week, Mike Haverty brings you news you might’ve glossed over in closer detail with In Case You Missed It.
This is the second time I am writing about Rush Limbaugh, and I do not like this trend at all. Any articles dissecting whatever Rush Limbaugh chose to be an idiot about this time are wastes of effort. Limbaugh is the saddest, most frustrated man. He has recently blamed the shrinking of the average penis side on “feminazis.” Feel pity. But I still always want to write about him more, because his ugliness is fascinating. Then I remember he makes way too much money for me to give him any more attention. The next time I mention Rush Limbaugh, he will either have waddled off his mortal coil or said something above and beyond his usual stupidity. I am okay with this if you are.
On the other hand, I don’t care for any of the stories that came out this week. Romney’s secret video has reached a point of media saturation that my mere mention of it most likely caused a “Oh this again” eye roll. The other huge story of the week, the idea that Jesus was actually married, isn’t really surprising. It’s cool that they found evidence, sure. Super glad Jesus was hitched. He comes off as more human, now that it’s known he wasn’t one of the very few people alive at the time who was single at 30. It’ll dispel all those gay rumors. Then again, it might take a while for the world to accept this truth. First off, the document they found isn’t in the Bible. Secondly, it was might have been found by some scientist-type. Religious people have the choice to believe it, along with all other facts.
None of these stories excite me.
Now, while I’m wont to hate “celebrity enters rehab” stories, I can’t get enough of Billy Joe Armstrong’s rehab adventure. He’s been on the radar since the “sagging pants” incident almost exactly a year ago. There was a diva-ness in it that was both punk and unnecessary, taking a stand as if he was the 40-year-old fighting for the britches of 15-year-olds across the country. For a 40-year-old, the 2000s mall-goth getup isn’t doing him any wonders. The weird sheen of his severely angled hair is impressive for his age, but also looks out of place above his face.
Maybe it’s all the time between Dookie and now, the beginning of stardom leading to ugly expectations for his behavior. Not so much the “burden of success” cliché, but the inability to be himself, whatever that may be. Either way, I’m speculating in a way that’s no better than Perez Hilton, though I like to think I’ve at least employed an unobtrusive amount of exclamation marks. Armstrong has gone from personal hero to cultural icon, and walked a line between punk and billionaire with his image. His punkness doesn’t seem natural, yet Joan Jett is 54 and punk as fuck.