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Heave DIY: Apocalypse Survival

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Each week in Heave DIY, Seetha Sankaranarayan journeys into the depths of her junk drawer and her jaded heart to share crafty tutorials and tips on leading a purposeful post-grad life.

Remember last week when I revealed that I’ve been fed up with Halloween since age 13?

It gets worse: Now I’m back in the very neighborhood where my Oct. 31 angst grew like the wrath of an incorrigible dragon feeding on a village full of stringy, underfed peasants. I really don’t care for this holiday to begin with, and I dislike it even more now that I don’t have house parties to escape to.

Later this evening, I will plaster a cheery grin to my face, strap a wizard hat to my head and proceed to fawn over the neighborhood children from roughly 5 p.m. until whenever the high school kids decide to retire. I will coo over the babies in Winnie The Pooh outfits and pull back in mock terror at the lame little ones wearing ghostly sheets. And, when I shut the front door, I will stuff my face with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and vodka. It’s going to be rough.

But just because you’re temporarily living with your parents doesn’t mean your night has to suck. Here’s a guide to surviving this Halloween and – at the rate at which Sandy is pulling in – impending doom in the neighborhood you grew up in:

1. Have a job? Go to work.

It’s no secret that many of us recent grads have resorted to menial jobs with no relation to our majors whatsoever to save cash until we find real career opportunities. Perhaps you requested off a few weeks ago assuming that you’d have big costume party plans tonight, but aren’t sure what to do now that all three people you still talk to from your hometown are working.

Call up your coworkers and ask if anyone wants a night off from bussing tables or re-racking sweaters. It’s more money for when you move out, and it’s not like you have anything better to do.

2. Have friends but no job? Get out of the house while you can.

The window of time in which you can back out of helping your family hand out candy is dwindling. In fact, by the time you read this it might already be too late. Quick, rally your buds, grab the city paper and find an event, any event. Insist that tonight is the night to attend that happy hour/gallery exhibition/clearance sale/slasher flick/what-have-you, with or without a costume. You likely won’t have to try to hard to convince your parents to let you off the hook because they already know how dismal your social life has been since you finished school – after all, you moved back in with them.

Don’t have any friends in your old neighborhood? See step 3.

3. Booze.

Lots of it. You probably learned in college that there are few problems a stiff drink can’t fix. Bear in mind that since you’re a legal adult now, you don’t have to hide in your room with Natty Light or Burnett’s. Mix up a classy cocktail and get weird with mom and dad. Visit FoodNetwork.com and MarthaStewart.com for “spooky spirit” ideas that you’ll all enjoy.

4. Pray that Sandy will leave the neighborhood children Strandy-ed.

If you live in Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Maryland, Maine, North Carolina, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia or Vermont, you’re in luck. The torrential downpour will likely leave the kiddies confined to their homes, where they’ll be forced to consume the candy their families bought to distribute to other children. In this case, Halloween will be just like any other night with your folks. With more candy.

Side note: If you live in the Northeast, Halloween is probably the least of your worries. I sincerely hope that you and yours are staying safe and dry.

5. Suck it up.

Is your life sounding like that Wavves song right now? “Got no car, got no money, I got nothin’, nothin’, nothin’ not at all.” Keep your heads up, friends, for hopefully this will be the last Halloween you spend at home. Hey, it might be the last Halloween you spend on this earth ever, if the Mayan calendar has its way. So slap on the scariest mask you can find, gorge yourself on fun-size bites and help your neighborhood children have the best night yet.

HEAVE asks: What are you doing tonight for Halloween?

Image courtesy of Lisa Lorek