In Case You Missed It: Lies!

space jump

Science comes up again and again in ICYMI. This is because something terrific is always happening in science. Today, however, is not one of those great days. Those eggheaded test tube tilters denied us Jurassic Park. Earlier in the week, lab-coated fun-Nazis explained how DNA’s 521 years of half-life stands between us and Billy and the Cloneasaurus becoming reality.

Distraught can’t come close to describe how I felt when I heard the news. Speculative fiction makes us dream, but allows us to feel like we deserved the flying car in the year 2000. We’ve been disappointed by the lack of meals in pill form and prefab communities, but theft of dinosaurs from my dream bank caused a lifetime never lived to flash before my eyes. We will never own a home with a dinosaur dishwasher. I will never be able to give my son a pet raptor. My last will and testament will have to account for a bleak reality in which my corpse could never be digested by a dinosaur, the remains then given to the relative I liked least. We will never walk the dinosaur. Not even once.

On the other hand, there’s a lot of stuff with undecayed DNA open for cloning. Enchanting! One day 500 years from now, a clone of you could be making an ass of itself in front of far superior humans. Future humans say it’s all for research, but after a while, it must be fun to see how helplessly simple-minded we are compared to the future, where they’re over all our prejudices and hatred. We’re the kind of people who call scientists lab-coated fun-Nazis, and many of us are in tireless pursuit of finding the gay agenda.

Case in point: this bullshit where parents/concerned onlookers fear gay children sharing gay lunch items with good old God-fearing students. Not allowing anti-bullying measures due to, in essence, not wanting to help one of the groups being bullied, looks terrible by today’s standards. 500 years from now, granted things continue to progress as they have slowly been progressing, the progress will be unfathomable.

With science, we all love looking at the past, seeing every invention lead into the next like  dominoes, each innovation leading to the next to the next into a horizon of neverending toppling monoliths. Conversely, our history with social justice is like a child trying to eat said dominoes, no matter how loud you yell ‘”spit it out!” or how insistently you hold your hand under their mouth. And while small-minded folks will keep gnawing away at dominoes, science will keep doing awe-inspiring things to remind us that “yes, you can free-fall for 24 miles and break the sound barrier. Why would you not be able to?” It’s almost good enough to replace cloned dinosaurs, so let’s keep our past distant. There’s no need to associate with something that will embarrass you in 500 years.