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Friday: Everyone’s favorite Harajuku girl has popped out another kid. In keeping with her reggae roots (what?), Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale named their newborn son Zuma Nesta Rock—Nesta was Bob Marley’s middle name or something like that. As one baby-name “expert” pointed out, they put Rock in the mix because “they’re two rock-and-roll stars!” According to that logic, my name should be Alyssa Tyler Homemaker Salesman Vincent. Awesome work, experts.

Saturday: Not doing anything on October 5? Me neither. Therefore, I plan on shelling out $250 and booking a flight to Florida so I can be part of this historic, once-in-a-lifetime event: Miley Cyrus’ sweet 16 party. Yup, for only $250, I can ride rides near Miley, see if the Jonas Brothers show up, and hear her perform a few songs. OMG! I’m pretty sure I’d get depressed when they rolled out the cake—“Happy Birthday, Miley! WE OWN YOU UNTIL YOU’RE 18. Love, Disney.”

Sunday: Box office round-up—Tropic Thunder held onto first place with $16.1 million, and The House Bunny fared well at second place with $15.1 million. As much as I want to jeer at The House Bunny, I feel like Anna Faris is one of those actresses who is actually funny, but always gets stuck with crappy movies like Scary Movie 16. If anyone has seen this, and it’s half-worth paying money for it, let me know.

Monday: Oh, Christ. Charlie Sheen and his new wife Brooke Mueller are expecting another child. I certainly hope that Chucky S. can get the porn/alcohol/drugs/hookers/bad personality under control before this next one comes into the world.

Tuesday: Here’s something even more historic than Miley Cyrus naturally aging—for the first time ever, Loveless and Isn’t Anything from My Bloody Valentine are digitally available through Rhino Records. Also, be sure to check them out at the Aragon Ballroom on September 27.

Fall Out Boy are releasing their fifth album already? Wow. I’m a little impressed. Folie a Deux (fancy!) will get a November 4 debut. Nice, boys. Put it out on election day. Now I’m not sure which is more important—choosing the next president, or finding out if Ashlee Simpson’s pregnancy has influenced your music.

Some sad news today. Dr. Dre’s 20-year-old son Andre Romelle Young Jr. was found dead Saturday morning after a night out with friends. No word yet on the cause of death, but our thoughts go out to the family during this difficult time.

Wednesday: WHY?! Have you no decency? Sniff...Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton ended their engagement. They dated for a bit in the ‘90s, broke up, got back together in the ‘00s and got engaged in 2006. I’ve officially lost my faith in the institution of engagement.

In actually depressing reports, drummer Steve Foley of The Replacements died at the age of 49 after an accidental overdose on prescription painkillers. Rest in peace.

Thursday: It’s the week to announce fifth album releases, apparently. Snow Patrol’s new one, A Hundred Million Suns, is set for an October 28 release.

Congratulations to rapper T.I.—he’s set a record on the Billboard Hot 100 list for making the most drastic jump on the chart. During its third week on the list, it leapt from #71 to #1. Wowzers.