This week, the Heave staff was asked:
There’s been a lot of debate lately over Chicago parking dibs (the practice of leaving personal items in a parking spot in winter to claim territory). How should disputes over a spot be determined?
I don’t drive. In fact, I don’t even have a driver’s license. So I don’t feel qualified to answer this question. However, I do volunteer my services as a referee for any duels, disputes, discussions, etc. regarding dibs law.
Probably with a game of Dungeons and Dragons. By the time people figure out who gets the parking spots, the snow will have melted anyway.
Parking spot arguments sound kind of terrifying and make me pretty glad that I don’t drive in the city.
With an actual, literal pissing match. Points for performance and execution, composition and choreography, and interpretation and timing.
Falls count anywhere hardcore matches, using the dibs items as weapons!
Dibs has to be established with one of two methods: physical presence or trickery. The man who spends a half hour pretending to make a snow angel while his girlfriend moves her Subaru from Wicker Park to Lincoln Park deserves it. On the other hand, if someone can make a parking spot look like it’s blocked for city reasons, he will likely avoid the dispute entirely.
A member of the dibs-ing family should have to hold the spot themselves. Like, laid out on the side. Don’t leave the smallest child, unless you only have to park a motorcycle. Your portly uncle will make a fine reservation for your Jeep Wrangler.