This week, the Heave staff was asked:
It’s football season! If you’re into it, what do you anticipate most about this time of year? And if not, how do you avoid it?
I have 2,000 wrestling tapes/DVDs to help me easily avoid any and all football for the next few months!
Talkin’ bout football of course! You know that as soon as football starts everyone at ESPN is like “Now we can let the interns talk about baseball and whatever other sports. Look at that guy run! He’s really fast. And that guy threw a ball, really far. I love you NFL, NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN!!! And now to interview every single player about that last play before the half.” I love football but games are just too damn long. Cut out half the fucking commercials and save us some time.
I don’t even want to think about the halftime show at the Super Bowl this year. There’s some great musicians from Jersey, but whatever. Guess I’ll finally watch that Puppy Bowl everyone is always ranting and raving about.
It’s football season?!
Football games tend to clog bars and restaurants I don’t go to and streets I never use. You could say football doesn’t affect me at all, but you’d have to look beyond my Oakland Raiders face paint to see the truth.
I don’t follow football, but I also don’t actively avoid it. It just strikes me as immensely boring. That being said, I always wonder if I’m missing something great. I’ve never watched a game in its entirety, either in person or on TV, so what do I know?
I adore football time for three primary reasons.
1) I get to recklessly build my Christmas shopping budget around the possibility of winning fantasy football money. This comes via playing a game that appeals to the sort of person who’s secretly always wanted to run a D&D campaign before but avoided it lest they incur the ridicule of their friends.
2) THE BEARS ARE BACK.
3) This fantastic remix of Bonecrusher’s already great one-hit wonder “Never Scared,” retooled to make his gangland boasting more relevant to the Madden game it was featured on.