Monday Morning Roundtable: Fake Technologies


This week, the Heave staff was asked:

What’s one piece of imaginary technology from pop culture that you wish was real?

Meghan Bongartz

TARDIS. Was this supposed to be a rhetorical question?

Joe Anderson

Probably NSFW:

Ben Kessell

I bet a bunch of a people are thinking “hoverboard,” “flying DeLorian” or “sonic screwdriver.” So, I’m going to be that guy who tells you that stuff is physically impossible and will likely never happen, as the energy sources we now use could never create the amount of gravity, magnetic current or nuclear density to do any of that. Why don’t we take a second and address the awesome tech we have now: 3D printers that create both working bivalve hearts and extremely cheap custom firearms? Or the terrifying concept that Skynet is real, you are being watched and, its totally legal to reign death from above via non-feeling robots. What’s better? Saidvrobots that balance themselves, fly themselves, repair themselves and print their own brains on sheets of plastic thinner than your fingernail and smaller than a dime. Is your mind not blown yet? Here: a private space travel company is looking for a married couple to slingshot around Mars in 2014.

With all that I’d still pee myself in awe at the sight of a time-traveling locomotive or police box…

Amy Dittmeier

Hoverboard from Back to the Future. DUH.

Tim Munroe

The Continuum Transfunctioner would be pretty cool to have.

Jonathan Mondragon

Power Rangers Morphers.

Shelby Shaw

Does a wand from Harry Potter count?

Cory Clifford


Adam Cowden

Austin Powers’ Swedish-made penis pump. Jk. …Or am I?

Johnny Coconate

Power Rangers Morpher, hoverboard, Zord, Green Lantern’s ring, web shooters. Oh God, so many. Lightsaber, anything used for time travel, did I say giant robot? Force fields that only activate when you fall, thus you never get hurt. You know how everyone in movies always wakes up looking great and doesn’t have morning breath? I want that technology. Or if it’s magic, I still want it.

Dominick Mayer

Any sort of giant robot would be awesome, because I presumably wouldn’t be the only one with a giant robot, and if I could just turn my world into Kaiju Big Battel, that’d be pretty great. Alternately, the box from Primer, because that movie taught me how to use the box correctly, and I’ll gladly take six hours in a pressurized space in trade for being able to hustle the lottery.