This week, the Heave staff was asked:
What’s one way you’d make the Oscars a more interesting ceremony?
Rather than having the Academy decide who gets each award, the nominees must now participate in an American Gladiators-esque challenge to race to the Oscar. The losers are damned to work in television for a minimum of two years.
Less Seth MacFarlane, more Dennis Rodman.
I honestly don’t want anything new added. I want them to stop trying to add new, dumb stuff. I want them to allow for longer speeches. Might as well let the people who won talk about it. People tune in to see the stars, right?
Slime Time Live.
It would be enjoyable if some kind of interview was involved. It would be interesting to see how terrible some people are on a big stage. Also, it’d be cool if there was some kind of Tokyo Drift-style competition before they walked down the red carpet. Quvenzhane Wallis could do it on a Big Wheel or something.
Public execution of celebrities. There really are too many right now. It could be a game show where viewers call/text/tweet in how celebrities should meet their end. And it could be sponsored by, I don’t know, whoever sponsors the Oscars right now.
There is so much prep for such a huge night in Hollywood (even around the world, where it happens at inconvenient hours) that it would be really great to see vignettes of the lives of those who make the magic happen. Even if it took a week leading up to the event to talk to camera crews, security, catering (they eat, right?) etc. Or at least some 24-hour footage starting from the morning-of the Big Night. What do they even eat at the Oscars? And what do the bathrooms look like? I’ve always wondered if it’s a room of stalls or a single. Do the stars just line up outside or do their business next to each other in their big gowns and crisp tuxes? I want to see behind the scenes.
A host who can walk the line between the pageantry that the Oscars demand and not being a total dick, as was the case last night. That having been said, I’d also really like to see them just fix the number of Best Picture nominees at ten and stop with all this 5-10 weirdness. And cute animal presenters. Because who wouldn’t get into that?