Culture

Monday Morning Roundtable: Olympics

summer olympics

This week, the Heave staff was asked:

The Summer Olympics have begun. What’s a sport that the IOC really needs to add come 2016?

Mike Stern

Wine tasting. My mother-in-law would kick ass.

Andrew Neel

Drunken darts. Although Ireland would have a considerable head start in training.

Dan Chruscinski

The Olympics need some sweet parkour action. Have the athletes run through courses, with scores based on speed and style. It would be way more entertaining than the sports they have now. I mean, c’mon, does anyone even know what “basketball” is?

Marissa Morales

Beer pong, obviously. But you can only take from your country’s pool of athletes.

William Jones

MMA. Maybe it’s just bloodlust talking. I was just chatting with someone the other day, though, wondering out loud whether mixed martial arts might find their way into the Olympic Games soon. The sport seems to have surpassed boxing in popularity, at least domestically, and boxing remains an Olympic sport, so why not MMA? You’ve already got martial arts there, as well, with sparring competitions, but this could come about as more of a UFC-style competition mixed with the Sparta idea of the film Warrior. Let’s get the world’s toughest athletes together and put them in a two-week tournament to see who the toughest guy in the world is.

Amy Dittmeier

I was actually just listening to the podcast Stuff You Missed in History Class about the Paris Olympics (which weren’t even a legitimate Olympiad), and they had tug-of-war as a competitive event. Can you imagine burly, roided-out warriors playing tug-of-war FOR THE PRIDE OF YOUR COUNTRY?!

Matt Consolazio

Parkour. Sure, it would be unfair. But watching that would be incredible.

Quinn McGee

I always thought we should make Supermarket Sweep an Olympic game. It would probably be detrimental to the world’s view of America, but would open up new levels of sponsorship.

Calhoun Kersten

Dude, butter carving contests are legit. I would totally watch that.

Johnny Coconate

Card games on motorcycles.

Meghan Bongartz

I’m a little surprised that more martial arts aren’t included in the Olympics, and that karate lost the IOC vote for sports to add in 2016 to golf. I also think that lacrosse would be great to watch. Who wouldn’t be entertained by a contact sport where everyone is carrying a long stick?

Dominick Mayer

Pankration, which was featured in the initial Greek games. It’s a combination of boxing and full-contact wrestling, but the only rules are that you can’t bite, can’t gouge eyes and the match only ends when there is a winner. The Olympics really need more bloodsport, is what I’m saying.