Welcome to a new weekly column at Heave, Rambling Dispatches, in which staff writer Quinn McGee delivers sometimes humorous, sometimes real editorials on the touchier issues within pop culture. This week: The Octomom, Nadya Suleman.

So I want to go on a journey today, and that is through the world of pornography. Now, I am not an anti-porno man, but the subject of this article doesn’t really make me proud. Anyway, a new starlet has entered the porn world, and for those who don’t know, it is the Octomom, Nadya Suleman. She just came out with a film called Octomom Uncovered (link maybe NSFW), if you were at all interested interested. For the few of you who don’t know about Octomom, let me give you a rundown. She is a woman who thought it was a good idea to get in-vitro fertilization with the six remaining embryos that she had at once, knowing full well that people should not get fertilized with more than 2-3 embryos at a time. Anyway, she found a doctor crazy enough to do it. Fun fact on the doctor: he had his medical license removed when the Octomom incident was combined with three other cases, one of which involved him implanting 12 embryos at once. I guess that’s pretty definitive proof that Octomom was doing something she shouldn’t be doing.

Anyway, she has these kids and there is a media storm and she makes money off of it. It’s a fast track to fame, really. She originally stated that she wanted all of the children for innocent reasons, but then appeared on tons of television interviews and even struck a deal for a reality show. I swear, she might be the most irresponsible person I have heard of in a long time. Let’s talk technicalities: human beings are not equipped to nurse or feed eight children. Animals that have large litters are, by way of having multiple udders, teats, whatever. Even if it was just the six embryos and one didn’t split and become a twin, it would still be irresponsible to make yourself have six kids. People who have octuplets or large numbers of children are usually not that happy about it, since it is a huge financial strain.

Did I mention that she was doing this while trying to get her Master’s degree, and said that she would be fine to take care of the kids once she got that degree? Well, she did, so that means she was financially unstable to begin with, decided to have a litter of kids on top of the ones that she had already, and she was doing it for the right reasons? I think there is something screwy going on with that situation. And of course, we followed the media storm about this irresponsible person because it is fun to watch someone ruin their lives, I guess.

So if the television interviews and reality shows were not enough, let’s talk about this porno she is starring in. After everything that she was paid for, like television appearances, she decides to make a pornographic film. Now, this isn’t going to be me bashing a woman for doing pornography, or stating how I don’t particularly want to see her in one. I could do that all day long, but I would rather point out another reason that it is disgusting: it’s like a fetish. She wasn’t asked because she was attractive or anything that normally puts people in porn; she was asked because people want to see what it looks like for a woman who has had over ten kids to star in porn. It kind of reminds me how John Wayne Bobbitt made two porn films (one of which is called Frankenpenis) after his wife cut his member off in a fit of rage. I looked up the man; he is not an attractive man, but was just looking to cash out on something that happened to him, which he kind of deserved since he was fooling around behind his wife’s back.

The Octomom thing is worse in my eyes, though, because it wasn’t like someone came in the middle of the night and impregnated her with eight kids. She was the one who chose to have those kids, knowing full well that having that many is actually harmful to the children and the mother. And what does Wicked Entertainment do to reward that poor decision? They give her thousands of dollars to take her clothes off, because they know that weird people all over will buy that shit. She has over ten kids, so has anyone thought about how those kids are going to react? What about the octuplets? She is called the Octomom because of them, and that’s the name she is going by on camera. The kids, by the transitive property, are their mother’s porn name.  Speaking of stage names, she has also been stripping, so there is that too. I wish I was surprised that someone who gets pregnant for fame is doing porn, but I’m not. I am certainly happy that I am not one of those kids, though, and they are the ones who deserve the attention.