This week, the Heave staff was asked: It’s almost Thanksgiving, which means Black Friday. What’s one thing you’d roll out of bed early to have this year?
Am I allowed to say: I JUST WANT MY WIFE AND KIDS BACK? Because that’s what I want from life right now.
There aren’t many things I NEED to have. I never really got the Black Friday rush myself. But I would totally wake up at 3 a.m. for a sweet TV. One where if I watched Planet Earth drunk, I would think the animals were real.
First off, I’d roll out of bed just to be able to belt Matchbox Twenty’s “3 A.M.” and have it make sense in context for once. Failing that, I discovered the other day that Wal-Mart evidently has guns as part of their Black Friday sales. Which is American as fuck.
As a general rule, I don’t look at Black Friday deals. I worked at Kohl’s during the Black Friday rush and I saw my manager get hit in the face with an electric griddle and have since vowed never to contribute to that madness.
But if you know of a particular store where people might be hitting each other with electric griddles, I’d totally go there.