Culture

In Case You Missed It: Drugs and death battles

combat

Apologies, folks. The past couple weeks, I’ve been out acquiring knowledge to bring to In Case You Missed It. The sexy kind. Not really. Anyway, I have not one, but two items to submit for your approval. And like any good piece of journalism, they involve drugs and an old guy demanding that a court fight him.

Let’s start with the latter: An old guy demands that a court fights him.

The Telegraph broke the story of Leon Humphreys, a 60-year-old Englishman who demanded that, instead of remitting the 25-Euro fine for an illegal vehicle ticket, that he be granted the old-time right to trial by combat. This would mean that the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (basically the DMV) would have to put forth a “champion” that Humphreys would duel, potentially to the death. Or, as he put it, they would go at each other with “samurai swords, Ghurka knives or heavy hammers” and would “fight to the death.”

Now, there are a few things that are fucking great about this, starting with the fact that this man is 60 years old and wants to fight the DMV with a hammer. Specifically, a heavy one. There’s also the matter of Humphreys not backing down at any point; upon learning that the court would not grant his request, he insisted that it would’ve been a fight to the death. And you know what? I have not one doubt that Leon Humphreys would have killed a guy to avoid paying 25 Euro. And that is awesome.

Then, Tupac’s friends smoked his ashes with their weed.

Yeah. Taking Mr. Shakur’s in-song wish that “Last wishes, niggas smoke my ashes” (from “Black Jesus”) as literally as anybody possibly could, The Outlawz confirmed that the urban legend about his friends smoking his ashes in a blunt are indeed true. As A.V. Club reported, they went out to a beach after his death and shared chicken, orange soda and marijuana laced with the remains of a dead rapper. In a weird way, that’s honestly really sweet, or so I’d say.

To close, I’d like to do something new with In Case You Missed It: a question. If you were to be cremated, upon coming to your reward, what equally outlandish thing would you want done with you? This is hard to top, but I trust you folks can think of better.

  • Amy D.

    I want my ashes shot into space. And then my ashes will land on some planet with intelligent alien life. And then those alien will resurrect me and make me their queen.
    I think it’s a modest request.