Misery Loves Company: An Open Letter to the Westboro Baptist Church


Dear Westboro Baptist Church,

Recently I’ve noticed that your church has made some headlines. With an edgy slogan like “God H8s Fags” it’s extremely hard NOT to notice you nowadays. You are everywhere. Soldier funerals, natural disasters, terrorist attacks, and basically anywhere there is a lot of grief and misery. How could I not notice you?

On your website,, it says that you lose 0 seconds of sleep over people’s opinions and feeeeellllliiiiinngggs. Thanks for adding all those extra letters to the word feelings. It really sends home your message.

Your message of hate seems to get a little watered down with the “God Hates Islam” stuff, so let me make sure I have this right. Generally you are opposed to gay marriage, gay sex, and gay tolerance because somewhere in the bible it says that god hates fags? Is that the King James version?

Anyway, I had a few questions, comments and concerns for you. Please bear with me. I’ve been known to babble. Lol :)

Okay, first question: You blame soldier deaths, natural disasters, and terrorist attacks on God’s wrath. However, in John 3:16b-18 it says “God’s just wrath against sin has been placed on His Son Jesus so that all who believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through Him. He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God”.

I understand that in Isaiah 59:2, it says, “But there is a problem–your sins have cut you off from God. Because of your sin, he has turned away and will not listen anymore.” But in Romans 3:23 it says, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

So, if we are reading the same book, God would not send his wrath upon the Earth because he sent Jesus to save us. Aren’t those tragedies just really some kind of weird consequence of having an imperialist nation, or developing areas of the world we shouldn’t? I know Christian logic is dizzying. ROTFL

Second question: In John 3:28-29 it says, “You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ‘I am not the Christ,’ but, ‘I have been sent before Him.’ [29] “He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. And so this joy of mine has been made”.

ZOMG!!! Is Jesus trying to have a same sex marriage with me!?

Questions 3-5: God made man in his own image. God is infallible. God is omniscient. God made homosexuals. Obviously God would have to know that the people he was making would be gay, (or as you think, would choose to be gay). If God hated gays and (because he’s omniscient) knows who would turn out gay (or who would choose to be gay), then why would he still go ahead and make them, then get all pissy (and wrathy) when they actually turned out gay? That seems kind of like dick move, don’t you think? Are you trying to say that God fucked up? Careful because if you get into that fallible logic loop your tiny brains might explode.

Question 6: In John 8:7 it says, “When they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her”. Why do so called “Christians” always forget about this passage when they try to use religion as a vessel for bigotry and hate?

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions. I can’t wait until I get a response. Anyway, as I mentioned before I have a few comments and concerns. I’ll just fire away in no particular order.

I’m so glad you took the time to mention that you lose 0 seconds of sleep in regards to people’s feelings. I’m actually really glad you said that, because believe me I won’t lose any sleep over what you think about me! Neat huh?

Honestly, I think you are a bunch of inbred rednecks. I don’t see any sections of your website that say “God Hates Inbreeders”. But the bible was full of inbreeders right? I mean, how else did we all come from two people?

We’d all look like this if the bible was meant to be taken literally.

I also think you are complete dipshits. How the hell does anyone take a text written by many different people thousands of years ago, translated many different times, and think it still somehow should be taken verbatim? You have to be a complete moron right? Don’t worry, if you are right God will strike me down with his mighty wrath soon, right? Lol I hope so! An eternity with a mouthful of scorpions would be preferable to seeing another news clip with you mouth breathers carrying your “God H8s Fags” signs 😛

Here is the thing, gay sex and gay marriage is none of your business. I’m not saying you have to watch two men cornhole each other while giving a thumbs up. Just mind your own fucking business. If you don’t like gay sex, don’t have it. If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get one. It’s that simple. What a complete waste of life running around carrying your dumbass signs trying to spread a message of hate. I have news for you. Good, progress, justice and equality will always win out.

Same sex marriage equality isn’t about trying to erode or infringe on the “sanctity” of marriage. I think heterosexual people like Jennifer Lopez are doing a fine job at that. What is at the heart of same sex marriage is equality under the law. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the government has any business meddling in the affairs of two consenting adults, especially to legally sanction their love for one another, but everyone deserves the same legal protections. Sometimes partners are prevented from making funeral arrangements, or visiting one another in the hospital, or earning an inheritance. They have had their children taken from them. You know that is not right. You know it.

According to the bible J-Lo would have been murdered after her first husband. No shit.

I’ve been through the bible a lot. I probably know a lot more about what is in there than you do, or at least most of the people at your pickets know. It’s probably one of the reason’s I’m now agnostic LOL! You have to admit there’s some pretty crappy logic, and next to no consistency in that bible! Anyway, it never lists homosexuality as a sin, especially as we know homosexuality today. There are some passages of the bible that do talk about sex though, specifically Deuteronomy mentions women who aren’t virgins when they are married are expected to be stoned to death when the husband discovers their deflowering. You don’t see people going around trying to stone some chick because she had a three-way on her prom night. No, because that’s in the norm. Most people today have sex before marriage. Your poisoned version of Christianity allows you to take parts of the bible you want, interpret them how you want, and use them to deliberately attack anything that isn’t in the “norm”. Sorry, WBC, God doesn’t hate homosexuals. God loves homosexuals. God hates having hate spewed about in his name. Don’t worry. You’ll find out soon enough. ROTFL

Everett Salyer

  • Jbryant

    I’ll see you in hell Salyer.

    • Troll~

      Sounds like a swell place <3

    • slartybartfast

      I like the Hebrew way of looking at hell.  A man being led through hell and heaven by an angel finds Hell to be a table laid with a fine banquet, at which no feaster has elbows.  Unable to feed themselves, they starve in agony.

      Heaven, he finds to be a table laid with a fine banquet, at which no feaster has elbows.  Unable to feed themselves, they’ve taken to feeding the people on either side of them, and are happy and full.

      The point, you see, is that God doesn’t need to create different “conditions.”  He need merely put like with like, and the quality of the people around you in the afterlife will determine whether it is heaven or hell.

      By those standards, if hell is where you’re not going, that’s probably the place to be, Jbryant.

    • slartybartfast

      oh bah, I misread you.

      If you intend to end up there too, you’re probably good people.

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  • dhaab

    You sure seemed to be doing a lot of rolling on the floor while writing this article.

  • One of those people. :)

    Very well put. Most of those idiots have been informed by a ignorant leader. Im not a religious person, But I have noticed that what they are doing is what GOD DOESNT DO.. As I see it. He put retards like that on this earth to show us and keep us in check about what he doesnt do. He doesnt hate, he doesnt kill… if he did, where is this “free will”? People like that is what creates a bad image on christianity, and makes Athiests..

  • Kyle

    Why the Westboro Baptist church shows a repulsive, distorted image of Christianity, I find this article insufficient in its understanding of Christian orthodoxy, tradition, and doctrine.  Please represent another person’s believe system how they would.