Culture

Monday Morning Roundtable: Can we talk about Charlie Sheen?

Two and a Half Men

So, Charlie Sheen went pretty fucking nuts didn’t? The guy is currently getting publicity like no other person in the world has received – so I guess it’s our turn to take a crack at the Vatican Warlock Assassin.

Wes Soltis – I’ve had the debate in my head many times about whether I should be laughing at Charlie Sheen or being worried for his well-being and whatnot. And just when you think, “Man, this guy really needs help,” he says something completely awesome and hysterical or rolls his eyes and says, “DUH!” His timing is impeccable. Does he need help? Of course he does – but I’m not going to fret over every single person in this world that needs help.

Dominick Mayer – Let’s all keep one thing in perspective before we go about turning the modern descendant of Adonis into a cult hero. As Babe Ruth once told a Hispanic kid in the early ’90s, “Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.” There’s nothing particularly heroic about what appears to be a guy doing a bunch of blow and turning into Peter Finch in Network. That said, I’m inclined to feel like there’s something more going on than just a man publicly committing seppoku, especially when you consider that he’s been stuck on a show that arguably has to be the very zenith of creative and mental apathy. I’m not trying to go on a “poor little rich boy” tangent, I’m merely saying that we need to see through Sheen’s entire new arc in this tale before we jump to any conclusions. He could well become the mad messiah of pop culture, or he could OD next week. Who the hell knows?

Chris Osterndorf – Frankly, I don’t know what else I can say about Charlie Sheen that hasn’t already been said. Unless I say that he’s actually a secret government agent, and this fucked up, crazy actor bit is just a cover up… Seriously though folks, it’s sad, but after a while, you also have to admit that Charlie Sheen might inadvertently be a comic genius. Yeah, Two and a Half Men Kind of sucks, but Sheen himself is hilarious (sorry John Cryer and Angus T. Jones, put a few drugged-out hookers in your trailers and then we’ll talk.) Quotes like, “I’m not bipolar, I’m bi-winning,” does it get any better than that? Or how about Charlie telling us what he’s really made of: “I have a different brain; I have a different heart; I got tiger blood, man.” But I think my personal favorite is Charlie talking about his drug use, saying, “I’m on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die.” You know what Charlie, I think you might be telling the truth on that one. Kids, avoid Charlie Sheen at all costs; he may be the most dangerous drug of all.