Very little is known about Apache, The. What we do know is Apache, The is Bastian Salazar, Hector Steele, Dik Stevenson, B. Borealis. We also know they have an album coming out on October 31. We also know it’s good, because we’ve heard it. And lastly, we know the band already broke up. Their reason for breaking up isn’t known. They say it’s because they are all assholes.  Others say it was because they got tired of sharing such good music with a world too stupid to realize what they were missing.

Have a listen to “Robert Redford or Kristen Wiig (1973)” below. The band member’s names are obviously fake, but you can recognize the lead singer’s voice? Hint – they are from Utah.